Home as a state of mind

By: Ismail Mustafa.

The night is old and sleep eludes me once more.

It’s been long since I wrote anything of literal or sentimental value. Yet, tonight it seems I finally have a good motive to write.

Slowly I grow up, to catch up with reality. In constant calculation of life’s probabilities, I find myself in ever-present unease. Though in many cases it is uncalled for and many a time exaggerated.

For months now I’ve felt much unlike myself, as these nightly odysseys of thought vanished, were restricted and sometimes escalated beyond my control.

Far from home I find myself in search of worldly and eternal means. To God is the glory. So far fairly good, life is indeed hard. I’m in Istanbul, studying architecture. At only eighteen and living pretty much alone in such a vast city, I’d say this was quite unexpected on my side. I did not imagine that it would all be so quick; primary school, junior secondary, senior secondary and now the end of my first year in university all in more or less a flash.

Again, there I go getting ahead of myself. I’m eighteen years old and now living and studying in Istanbul. Where to start from?? I was born in Kano city of Nigeria. My family moved to Abuja when I was young and there I grew up meeting so many other children from so many other parts of the country. It was a beautiful childhood then, perhaps mediocre, yet we did not care one bit, so we were satisfied and happy.

Today, things are not as they used to be. Everything back home seems to be going through very difficult times, from my friends to family, to the entire people of the country – none seems left out of the seemingly endless series of conundrums. The talk of today is ‘BOKO HARAM’. For us in the Diaspora, the news of the activities of these terrorist is disheartening and sad. Everything seems to be getting worse: the costs of living are rising; crime is rising and so is inflation.

I am left wondering how much of my home is left, because no matter what, I knew that things won’t be the same at the end of my sojourn. I’d like to think I’m an advocate of change – but change that reflects movement in a positive direction. Now my thoughts drift to the present: I’ll be leaving for the airport tomorrow morning to arrive in Abuja in the afternoon, I do hope my return would be marked with something good in the land of my birth.

Stepping out of the plane, I breathe in my first Nigerian air! There is obvious difference, the heat is unrelenting, and the air is heavy and humid, nonetheless cleaner than that of Istanbul. I’m very glad to be here safely.

The first thing to catch my eye is how outdated our airport looks compared to other capitals of the world. Going through towards the passport control, I see a glass door, on it written boldly ”ALWAYS KEEP THE DOOR CLOSED”. I smiled as the door was very efficiently kept opened by a chair, which must have been put there by some official. This is one of the omnipresent ironies on which our country seems to thrive. Welcome home.

Going through to the immigration officers to stamp my passport, the other passengers and I meet a handful of frowning faces. The immigration officers here all seem gloomy and grim. I wonder what the bother was. Perhaps, bad working conditions and miserable pay to go with it? Who knows, I mean its Nigeria few really get what they deserve.

At the baggage claim I see a very rickety conveyor belt, which looks unchanged since the opening of this airport. ”Well, at least its carries the bags well” I said to myself, not letting anything spoil my happy mood. After getting my luggage I walked towards the door passing by friends and family smiling at each other all happy to see one another.

Home is indeed a beautiful thing, maybe the most beautiful thing of all. Here I was my home not looking like very much…but then I am eternally happy to be here. Everything seems so perfect yet in need of so much more ”perfection”.

This feeling leaves me wondering, what exactly is home . . . is it a place or a state of mind?

 

http://bloggernaija.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-o-matic/cache/f4fb88dd4c_Nigeria-LGA-300x237.jpg